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(The Phoenix-X approaches an alien space Station, orbiting a planet. The
local area is busy with traffic of many alien ships)
Daniel: Captain's log. We've recently needed to have our Transwarp Engines
tuned up, so Commander Seifer told us about this far off engine Repair
service that had some speciality in our type of engines. Are you getting
all this, Ensign?
Ensign Dan(writing down everything he says): Can't you do your Captain's
Logs on video?
(The Phoenix-X docks at the alien space Station. They're hailed)
*Hwoarang: Ah, welcome to the Sector 894 Engine Apex Centre. I hear you
people need a tune up? As soon as we abandon the majority of our less
profitable tune-ups, I'll have my men board your ship.
(Daniel raises his hand, signalling Armond to cut the audio)
Armond: I always feel un-loved when you do that.
Daniel(turns around): Kugo, you're in charge of Security, what does your
best judgement tell us about these people? Do you think we can trust their
teams to board us?
Kugo(shrugs): I dunno. Why don't you ask Kayl? She can read minds.
(Kayl's sitting at her station reading a book)
Kayl: I'm off duty.
(Daniel looks back at Kugo for an answer)
Kugo: Uhhh... Yeah, sure. Let them board. I trust them like they were my
Romulan cousins.
Daniel(puts audio back on): I'm sorry; I can't let you board my ship. But
I will allow you to assist my Chief Engineer over the communications
channel.
*Hwoarang(nods): That is understandable. It will not be a problem. But it
will cost more. I hope you are not from one of those cultures that
abandoned currency many centuries ago?
(Daniel scratches the back of his neck and avoids eye contact)
Daniel: Uhh, yeah, I'll check into that for you.
(Matt quickly puts on his Federation
uniform and runs from his Quarters to Main Engineering. His team is
already at work)
Matt: Sorry, I'm late. I was up all night trying to write all your
attendance reports.
GoyCho(walks to a console): Sir, the Computer logs everyone's location
itself.
Matt: --Oh... Well, I just wanted to... uhh, expand on my leadership
qualities.
*Darude(on screen): Greetings. I work under Administrator Hwoarang. I'll
be assisting you with the tune-ups to your engines.
Matt: Okay. There are actually a lot of parts I need to have recalibrated.
(He turns to his team to take on his role as leader)
Matt: ...GoyCho. See if you can send them our diagnostics data. ...Tong;
double-check the repair list for the engine parts. ...Gewdeque; I want you
to disinfect the physical parts for anything that may cause deterioration
or rust. ...Amos; you refill the water tank in case anyone gets thirsty.
Amos: Yes sir! It is an honour to be working under you, Lieutenant.
(He runs off. Matt looks over at the rest of his team)
Matt: And you people.... uhh, do funny dance.
(They all look at each other in question)
Matt: I said do a funny dance!!
(They all start bending their knees and jumping up and down)
(Seifer looks behind him before he enters
his Quarters. The doors swoop open and the lights automatically turn on)
Seifer: Computer, lights off.
(The lights go off and he bangs his knee on the couch)
Seifer: Owe!! Light's on--!
(He goes over to a communication screen)
Seifer: Lights off. Computer, where is Commander Seifer located?
*Computer: Commander Seifer is in Recreational Centre 3.
(Seifer's commbadge sits on one of the
tables in the ship's Dance Club. Someone from the crowd of people notices
it)
Elly: Hey! Someone's commbadge...
(She reaches for it, but notices potato chip right beside it)
Elly: Hey! Salt and Vinegar; my favourite kind!
(Seifer activates the viewscreen)
Seifer: Good. Hopefully my potato chip decoy works.
*Velum(appears): This is a secret channel. Who are you?
Seifer: It's me; Seifer!
*Velum: Seifer? Oohhh yeah... You traded with me about half a year ago.
What can I help you with? Don't act like we're good friends, I only met
you once.
Seifer: So anyways, how are things? Did you finally marry that Klingon
girl?
*Velum: What did I just say!!?! --If youse wanna browse the new items, I
only got 1 this month; special import from the Silias Sector; it's a
Silillan Destroyer.
*(He shows an image of a slender and spiked hand Phaser)
*Velum: They're illegal in 5 different Territories. It tears off body
parts on contact.
Seifer: Awseome! I'll take one of those.
*Velum(smiles): Excellent. You can keep it under your pillow at night;
you'll sleep better knowing it's there. --You know, if you don't get poked
by all its spikes and stuff.
(Ensign Dan sits at the bar in the Dance
Club, looking around the room at all the flashing lights and people
mingling and dancing)
BOB(cleaning a glass behind the bar): Are you just gonna watch everyone?
Ensign Dan: Hey, don't dis me Quark Imitator. Don't make me mention how
weird your name is.
BOB: Alright, alright. Can't a Ferengi bartender have some dignity? I just
don't want anyone to notice how my name stands out.
Ensign Dan: Hey, BOB. Look at that guy over there.
(He points to a Federation Officer sitting alone at one of the tables)
BOB: Yeah, what about him? He's eating Salt and Vinegar chips. --Come to
think about it... I hate Salt and Vinegar chips!!
Ensign Dan: Doesn't he look suspicious? I've never seen him on the ship
before.
BOB: I try to keep the rules straightforward in my Club; no Salt and
Vinegar chips!! You can have Salted chips and you can Vinegar chips, but
you can't have Salt and Vinegar chips!!
(The guy gets bored and puts down the chips. He stands up and leaves the
Club)
(He makes his way through the hallways,
nodding friendly to anyone he passes. He turns right as the doors of Main
Engineering swoop open and he enters)
Baetal(walks over): Sorry I'm late, sir.
Matt(working at a control panel): It's perfectly all right,
whoever-you-are.
Baetal: I'm Ensign Baetal, sir. I just transferred to your team this
morning.
Matt: Oh, sure, whatever. Just see if someone needs your help.
*Darude: Anyways, like I was saying; we have to recalibrate the thing, on
the other thing.
Matt(points to a map): Near this thing?
*Darude: You must be more specific. What are you pointing at?
Matt(points): This thing here.
Tong(walks over): Sir, did you want me or Gewdeque to replace the coil
replicator?
Matt(shrugs): I dunno. Can't you get a self-replicating replicator?
GoyCho(comes over): Sir, do you want me to account for the Regenerative
Hull System in our rebuild? We could go either way. It wouldn't affect
anything.
(Darude sends Matt more information to look over)
Matt(busy): I really don't know. Why don't you ask the Commander or
something?
(GoyCho walks away and taps his commbadge)
*GoyCho: GoyCho to Commander Seifer.
(Daniel and Seifer are on the Bridge sitting at their Command chairs.
Seifer is busy reading over a padd)
Seifer: --Huh? Oh--uh, Seifer here.
(Seifer scrolls down the page on his electronic padd, reading the
specifications for the Silillan Destroyer)
*GoyCho: I was wondering if we should tie the Borg Systems under the
Transwarp Systems. There would be no threat except for possible detection
by the Borg that could trigger another invasion of Earth.
Seifer(reading): Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever.
Daniel: Wait!! Can you reformat the Borg Signature?
*GoyCho: Yeah, if the mood hits me right.
Daniel(taps his commbadge off): Do it. --Commander, what the hell are you
reading?
Seifer(puts the padd down): --Uhh, crew reports. Another man got lost in
the Cloaking Device Room. There are 13 men in there and we don't know
where they are.
Daniel: Oh. --Hmmmm...
(Daniel looks at Seifer suspiciously)
(Ensign Dan looks at Baetal's picture
suspiciously)
Ensign Dan: --Hmmmm...
BOB: Did you hear? I almost got lost in that Cloaking Device Room. There
are rumours going around that I'm still there.
Ensign Dan: This Baetal person's gotta be a spy. Just look at the no
expression on his face in this picture.
BOB(goes behind his Bar): No one evoked any expression on Picture Day; the
Vulcan's adjusted the gravity so no one could smile or frown.
Ensign Dan: This guy must be a spy. I think I might interrogate him.
BOB: He's not a spy. Every week you think there's a spy on board! Next
thing you know, you'll be accusing me of being a spy.
(Ensign Dan suddenly looks at him suspiciously and then shakes his head)
Ensign Dan: Nah.
(He gets up and leaves the Club. BOB speaks into a secret microphone under
his collar)
BOB: That was a close one. He almost found us out.
*(Voice): You fool!!
(Ensign Dan makes his way through the
hallways and turbolifts until he reaches Main Engineering. The place is
busy with repair teams. He approaches Baetal)
Ensign Dan: Excuse me. I'm Ensign Dan from Vector 3.
Baetal: Oh yeah, I heard about you. You're the guy who got beat up by two
little kids the other day.
Ensign Dan(avoids eye contact): Yeah, heh, heh... That's me. --I just
wanted to welcome you to the Phoenix-X. I assume you transferred over from
the Xena since they were the last ship we had contact with...?
Baetal: Yeah, they were giving me a ride. I'm initially from Earth. I was
one of the people who were originally working on the Transwarp Project.
Ensign Dan: Oh okay. 'Cause I used to be from the Xena, and I would've
known you.
Baetal: I'm sorry that you don't. But we could arrange to get to know each
other a little more...
(He places his hand on Ensign Dan's shoulder and winks)
Ensign Dan(shivers): --Uhh, no thanks. I have a girlfriend.
Baetal(gets mad): Are you making a statement about my sexuality?
Ensign Dan: No, no, of course not-- I gotta get going now... Bye.
(Ensign Dan walks across the room to Matt)
Ensign Dan: Jeez. Have you met that Baetal guy?
Matt(busy): I don't know and I don't care.
Ensign Dan: I didn't know he was... you know... "flying his Starship
upside down?"
Matt(taps at the panels): I've sent you the status of our Transwarp Field
Conditioner. It's Federation made, but I was wondering if you had any
suggestions to account for its over-sensitivity to matter.
*Darude: Let me check.
Ensign Dan: You know, he looked like a spy.
*Darude: Yeah, I can do something about this. I'm gonna need you to
activate a thin Transwarp Field for the next couple of hours though.
Matt: Okay.
Ensign Dan: I guess I was wrong about him.
Matt(looks at him): Huh? You're not going on about another spy are you?
Next thing you know, you'll be accusing BOB the Ferengi Bartender of being
a spy.
(Meanwhile, Shane enters his Quarters
feeling that someone is hiding in the shadows spying on him)
BOB: Heh, heh. Your day will come soon, Changeling....
(Gewdeque approaches Matt)
Gewdeque: Sir, you activated the Transwarp Field without notification.
Matt: I also did it with one hand behind my back. Wanna see me activate
the clapper?
Gewdeque: But sir, you skipped several standard procedures!
Matt: I did? Oh God what have I done!??
Gewdeque: It's okay, sir. Nothing bad resulted from it.
Matt: Oh, okay.
Gewdeque: What should I do now, sir?
Matt: Uhhh ...Do funny dance.
(She looks over at Ensign Dan in question)
Matt: I said do a funny dance!!
(She starts bending her knees going up and down. Ensign Dan glances at
Baetal and then pats Matt on the back)
Ensgin Dan: Well, I'm out. That Baetal guy seems to be on our side.
(Ensign Dan walks out of the room, feeling guilty)
(Seifer crawls the jeffreys tubes, feeling
guilty)
Seifer: Maybe I shouldn't be conducting secret dealings behind my
Captain's back...
*Velum(goes on screen): Seifer! We're just about ready. I hope you're not
feeling guilty conducting secret dealings behind your Captain's back?
Seifer: No, no, of course not. There are just a few precautions I have to
take before I meet with you.
*Velum: Don't even worry about it. Besides, you've already taken all the
possible precautions necessary.
Seifer(nods): True. I did have to wax a security dog on Deck 12 so that
he'd feel too awkward to bark at me when I have to sneak by.
*Velum: You see, everything is going to work out. We will see you in a
couple hours, old friend.
Seifer: I thought we weren't old friends.
*Velum(looks down): I know, but I just get so lonely in this business...
Seifer(avoids eye contact): --Uhhh, ooh-kay. --I think I hear that dog
barking...
(He runs away scared)
(The Phoenix-X sits out in front of the
Sector 894 Engine Apex Station, scarcely running its Transwarp Field)
(Shane liquefies inside the empty Dance
Club during closed hours. He unlocks the door and lets Lieutenant Elly
inside)
Elly(holding bags of chips): That BOB guy never figures out how we always
get Salt and Vinegar in here.
Shane: I dunno. I think he might be on to us.
(Suddenly BOB emerges from the shadows)
BOB: Aha! I knew it was you, Changeling!
Shane(points): It wasn't just me. It was Elly too!
(BOB looks at Elly)
Elly: Oh come on BOB, how else are we going to get the foods we want in
here!?
(Ensign Dan suddenly enters, half asleep from his Quarters. He walks past
them towards the Replicator on the wall)
Ensign Dan: Mine is broken for some reason; I think it's interference from
the Transwarp Field. --Computer, Bajoran Trove Minimum and... maybe some
chips--Salt and Vinegar.
(The food appears in a tray in the replicator machine. He picks it up and
leaves. Shane glances at BOB)
Shane: If he gets something, I get something.
(Gewdeque approaches the Transwarp Field
Data Screen, in Main Engineering)
Gewdeque: You know, that Darude person is running the Field on all its
extreme levels and weaknesses.
Matt(working): I know. He's testing its boundaries. Why do you keep making
me say things I already know?
Gewdeque: I'm sorry, sir. It's just that one of these frequencies effects
replicated material.
(Suddenly the drinking water in the Water Tank turns green)
Amos(trying to refill it): Oh no! My job! --I failed you, sir!
(Amos resigns his post at the Water Tank in shame)
(An Ensign leads Commander Seifer down a
hallway into Transporter Room 2. No one else is in there)
Seifer: You want to do this exchange on my ship?
*Velum(goes on a screen): Yes! Administrator Hwoarang won't let your
people on the Station if you won't let his people on your ship.
Seifer: It's nothing personal. We just don't like his hair cut.
(Seifer puts a suitcase filled with latinum on a control panel)
Seifer: I got the money. Okay, Ensign, you might want to lock the door
before we proceed with the Transport.
(Ensign Dan continues walking down the
hallway, with his tray of food, mumbling to himself, half asleep)
Ensign Dan: Stupid Baetal not being a spy. Now no one will respect me and
every interaction with the crew will be an embarrassment!
(Someone approaches him)
Samantha: Hey, Ensign Dan? I just wanted to apologize for my kids beating
you up the other day.
(Two of her kids come around the corner. Ensign Dan drops his food and
runs away, scared of them)
Ensign Dan: Aaahh!!!
(He stops running as Ensign Baetal exits
Transporter Room 2 and starts tapping at the Locking mechanism)
Ensign Dan: What are you doing?
Baetal: I'm fixing a problem in here related to the Transwarp Field. Don't
ask me how, it's too complicated to explain.
Ensign Dan: Oh, okay.
(The room doors swoop open as Baetal re-enters the Transporter Room.
Ensign Dan swiftly sneaks in behind him and hides in the shadows, behind a
frame of computers independent from the wall)
Seifer: Who are you anyway?
Baetal: I work with Velum as an insider to all his clients. The thrill of
acting is what keeps me alive!
Seifer: Oh. Well everyone knows that actors are nothing without the
writers.
Baetal(nods): That is true.
(Ensign Dan stands up and reveals himself from the shadows)
Ensign Dan: So you are a spy!! And all this time you were pretending to be
gay.
Baetal: ...Pretending?
Ensign Dan: Under Federation law, I have to arrest you.
(Ensign Dan nears him and grabs for his arms)
Baetal(backs away): Whoa, whoa, hold on. At least give me a chance to
escape.
(Baetal jets for the exit, but Ensign Dan tackles him to the floor)
Ensign Dan: Gotcha! --And you, Commander, I can't believe you!
Seifer: Don't look at me-- I'm undercover with the Captain to expose the
black market!
Baetal(struggling): What??
(Velum and two Bodyguards beam in on the Transporter padd. He aims the
Silillian Destroyer at Ensign Dan and Baetal)
Velum: Stop right there!
(Gewdeque checks the Transwarp Field Data)
Gewdeque: Sir, the Transwarp Field is destabilizing!
Matt: Why?? --Who's in charge here?
Gewdeque: You are!
Matt: Oh yeah. Contact Darude. He'll have all the answers.
*Darude(goes on screen): I have no idea!
Matt: But I didn't even ask you the question yet!
*Darude: Oh. Well, I assumed it was about the mating rituals of Fish.
Matt: No. The Field is destabilizing for no reason!!
*Darude: Oh, that may be due to Matter Transport. Maybe someone is beaming
off or onto your ship?
Gewdeque: What should we do, sir?
Matt: I don't know!! I hate giving orders and commands. I wish it wasn't
part of my job!
(Matt leaves Engineering)
Gewdeque(glances at Darude): --He's been working for 36 hours straight.
(Matt walks through the Decks and passes
the Captain)
Daniel: Hey, Matt, have you seen Commander Seifer?
Matt: No!!
(Matt walks away)
Daniel: Jeez. A simple No would have sufficed.
(Daniel approaches Seifer's Quarters and
presses the doorbell panel)
Daniel: Seifer? I think I may have an idea to get those missing people out
of the Cloaking Device room. We can use that waxed dog to sniff them out!
(There's no response)
Daniel: Seifer? Oh no. --Computer, locate Commander Seifer.
*Computer: Commander Seifer is in Transporter Room 2.
(Daniel liquefies into a long strand and shoots through the floor)
Velum: Stop right there!
(Velum aims the Destroyer at Ensign Dan and Baetal who are fighting,
rolling around on the floor)
Ensign Dan(stops): Ohhh. You meant us.
Velum: I have business to conduct. Let's get this over with before someone
else catches us.
(The Daniel liquid enters the room and takes shape)
Daniel: Aha! I caught you!
(Velum shoots him and Daniel re-liquefies all over the floor)
Velum(opens his briefcase): Don't worry, he's only dissolved.
Baetal: Velum, don't!! Seifer is working undercover to expose you!
Velum: What!?
Seifer: It's not true!!
Velum: That's it! I'm out of here.
(Baetal grabs the latinum and activates the Transporter System. Velum, his
two Bodyguards and Baetal step onto the Transporter Pad and beam out)
Seifer: That did not go as I planned.
(The Daniel liquid regains its omni-X strength and takes shape)
Daniel: Aha! I caught you!
Ensign Dan: Captain, the weapons dealers are getting away with the ship's
only latinum!
Daniel: After them!
(Ensign Dan gets onto the Transporter Pad and beams out)
Daniel: I can't believe you got this far, Seifer!
(He taps his commbadge)
Daniel: Where the hell is Security!? There are four weapons Dealers on the
lose!
(Meanwhile, Kugo and Matt are at the Club
sitting at a table, talking)
Kugo(taps her commbadge): Right here, Captain. You know, there are more
important problems out there like someone else's feelings!
(She refers to Matt)
*Daniel: Arggghhh!!!
Kugo: Come on, Matt. Let's fix this Transwarp Field problem.
Matt: Are you sure? I mean, there are four black-market Dealers on the
lose.
Kugo: Yeah, someone'll eventually catch them.
(Ensign Dan beams into the Dining Area of
the Station where the four Dealers are across the room. They fire phasers
at him as he ducks under the tables)
Velum: Where is he!?
(Ensign Dan rolls across the floor to hit a button on the wall. All the
tables suddenly start slanting by the command of the computer. The food
all falls to the floor and holes in the walls start sucking in all the
garbage)
Ensign Dan: Whoa. I've never been in an alien Club before.
(He makes his way behind all the tables towards the four who can't see him
anywhere)
Velum: Shoot the tables!!
(They fire randomly at tables, blowing them into the air. Ensign Dan
crawls out from the nearest table and trips Velum to the floor. He gets
his weapon and aims it at Baetal)
Velum: Watch out! It's the Silillian Destroyer!
(Baetal fires his own phaser at Ensign Dan. Ensign Dan dodges it and
suddenly fires the Silillian Destroyer at him)
Baetal: Aahh!!!--!!--!
(Velum escapes by pressing a handheld
device, which beams him back to his previous location. He finds himself on
the Phoenix-X)
Velum: Oops.
(He tries beaming back, but can't)
(Kugo and Matt finish off in Engineering)
Kugo: There. These changes I made cover the Transporter layers too.
*Darude: Amazing! She's better than I am.
Matt: Whoa! The Field is almost as powerful as Deflector Shields!
(Matt suddenly faints. Everyone looks at him)
*Darude: --He's been working 36 hours straight.
(Administrator Hwoarang goes on screen on
the Bridge of the Phoenix-X)
*Hwoarang: I'm very glad the tune up to your Transwarp Engines was no
problem.
Daniel: Thank you for your help. I'm sorry I don't have the money to pay
you.
*Hwoarang: That is alright. These criminals you left me with are
sufficient enough. There is a considerably high reward for their capture
in many Territories around here.
Seifer: What!? We could've had the reward!
(Daniel raises his hand, signalling Armond to cut the audio)
Armond: No. Not unless you ask me straight out.
Daniel: Fine, nevermind about the audio. I'll deal with you later, Seifer.
(Ensign Dan is in 10-Forward telling
everyone about his capture)
Ensign Dan: And then I tore his arm off with the Silillian Destroyer!
(Samantha's kids): Awesome!
GoyCho: Yeah right. Kayl, can you read his mind and tell us if he's
telling the truth?
Kayl(trying to glue hairs back on a dog): I'm off duty.
Ensign Dan: No, it's okay, I made a Holographic recreation of it.
(He shows them a video on an electronic padd. "Ensign Dan crawls out
from the nearest table and trips Velum to the floor. He gets his weapon
and aims it at Baetal. Baetal fires his own phaser at Ensign Dan. Ensign
Dan dodges it and suddenly fires the Silillian Destroyer at him, tearing
off his left arm. The arm goes flying to the wall with blood everywhere.
Baetal falls to his knees, crying")
(Samantha's kids): That's so cool!
Seifer: Oh man. I wanted to see Ensign
Dan's Holo-Video demonstration of the Silillian Destroyer.
(Daniel meets with Seifer, Kugo and Matt in his Ready Room)
Daniel: Since you did a bad thing, I'm going to do your job for you today.
Seifer: Oooo, I feel so punished.
Daniel: You should. The satisfaction of just doing your job is fulfilment
enough in our line of business, since we never get paid to travel space.
Seifer(lowers his head): Oh man...
Daniel(stands): Kugo, I'm putting you back in charge in Engineering, since
you can't even do your job as Security.
Kugo: Who's going to take Security?
Daniel: Ensign Dan.
Seifer: Oh that's just crazy talk! Then you have to promote him to
Lieutenant, or Lieutenant Commander!
Daniel: No I don't. Besides, I think Ensign is his first name.
Matt(hands over a padd): Well I'm glad to report that the Transwarp
Engines are in perfect condition.
Seifer You're glad?
Matt: Not really.
(He suddenly faints. Everyone looks at him)
Kugo: --He's been up for over 36 hours.
(Red takes the Helm and undocks the
Phoenix-X from the Sector 894 Engine Apex Centre)
Red: I cannot believe someone waxed my dog.
(The Phoenix-X rotates away from the station and the planet and Transwarps
out of there)
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