Cut Scenes
Star Trek: Experimentalism

(Admiral Theseus taps his glass to get everyone's attention. Everyone just keeps talking)
Theseus(continues tapping): Ahem. Welcome to Starbase 55--
(He taps harder. The glass shatters. Everyone looks at him)
Theseus: That's better.
Walace(runs over): Oh my gosh! A security breach!! I'll take care of that, sir; before someone cuts themselves.
(Walace cleans the shattered glass on the floor and returns to his seat)
Theseus: Uuhhh... thanks. Anyways, we're all here for one reason, and do you know what that reason is?
(Everyone in the crowd looks around at eachother, clueless)
Avery: The jello?
Daniel(scared): Aahhh!!!
Theseus: No, not the jello! We're here to welcome the Gordarions to the Federation.
(Everyone looks to thier left to see a group of the Gordarion species just standing there)
Cloud: Hey, I didn't even notice them.
(A Gordarion): Please talk to us, we're lonely.

(The party resumes.)
Gotens(sips his drink and looks over at the dessert table): Hey, are they looking at us?
(Admiral Theseus and Captian Cid stand behind the dessert table, looking in thier direction and talking)
Walace: No, they're looking at the Phoenix-X.
(Walace points to the window, in the other direction)
Gotens: Ohhh. They're probably talking about how cool a ship we have.

(Behind the dessert table...)
Theseus: That Walace guy is really wierd. Just look at him.
Cid(sticking a bread stick up his nose): Sir, everyone from the Phoenix-X is wierd.

(Walace and Gotens stare at the Phoenix-X through the window accross the room. Suddenly some guy sits at the table that's in front of the window)
Walace: Hey! That guy just blocked our view!
Gotens(stareing at Captian Aeris): Not mine.
Walace: Hey, isn't that Commander Avery?
Gotens: Oh my God, she just dropped her jello and is now bending over to pick it up!

Aeris(picks up the jello): Oops.
Daniel(walking by): AAhh!!
(He runs away scared)

Walace: Didn't Commander Avery swear revenge upon you?
Gotens(looks over at him): Hmm... let me think... --Oh, what the heck, let's just have a flashback.

(Back to present time, at the party)
Gotens: Ohh yeaahhh... What's up with that guy? He never got any revenge on me. I think he's just being lazy.
Walace: He's an %#@*$.
Gotens: He's a percent-pound-at-star-dollar sign?
Walace: No, he's an ass. He always used to boss me around on the Phoenix. I hated that Commander.
Gotens: But I boss you around all the time on the Phoenix-X.
Walace: Yeah, but I can get away with a lot of illegal stuff behind your back.

(Theseus and Cid walk over to Avery)
Theseus: What is the meaning of blocking our view?
Avery(looks up at them): Captian Cid?
Cid: Oh--uhhh, hi.
Theseus: You know eachother?
Avery: Yeah, I've been Commandering the Manila for 2 years while this stupid Captian Cid just sits here at Starbase 55, twiddling his thumbs!
Theseus: Is this true, Cid? You've been assigned to the Manila all this time while you were hanging out with me!?
Cid(twiddling his thumbs): ...Uhhh, yup.
Theseus(puts his arm around Cid): Ha! Ha! You're more a friend than I thought! Come on, let's go get some jello.
(They walk away)
Avery: Aarggh!! Is this whole Federation made up of idiots!? I swear I will have my revenge on Captian Cid...
(He takes out his revenge list)
Avery: --Oh, he's already on three times.

(Walace and Gotens just sit there, observing Avery)
Gotens: I wonder if he remembers me.
Walace: Probably not... I don't even remember your first name.
Gotens(cuts off a piece of jello): ...
Walace: What are you doing?
Gotens: Let's have a little experiment.
Walace: Oh my gosh, you think the jello is Shane, too?
Gotens: No, let's see if this Avery guy remembers me.

(Gotens whips a piece of jello accross the room. It splatters on the back of Avery's neck)
Avery(turns around): Who did that!?
(He looks around. No one notices him. He sees Commander Gotens and Lieutenant Walace talking to eachother)
Avery(stares at Gotens): ...

Gotens(not facing Avery): Is he looking at me?
Walace: Yes. He's giving you the evil eye.
Gotens(laughs): I think this experiment tested out positive.

(A Gordarion walks by and approaches Theseus and Cid)
Laynkos: Please talk to me--
Theseus: No! Go away!
(Laynkos walks away)
Cid: You seem a little edgy, sir.
Theseus: Edgy!? What do you mean by that!?--Oh, you mean edgy. Well... yeah. It's just that Phoenix-X and its crew.
Cid: What about them, sir?
(Admiral Chan walks up to them)
Chan: Admiral! I've been hearing more and more rumors from Captian Iviok about the Phoenix-X!!
Theseus: Oh, oh, entirely untrue. You know those Tholians, thier antennas always are always getting stuck in someone's panties--
Chan: I want an inspection of the Phoenix-X, and I want it now!
Theseus: Alright, alright. Why don't you just go do some karate, or something.
(Chan stomps away)
Theseus: See what I mean?
Cid: Yes, sir.
Theseus: Some people just want other people to do thier dirty work. Now, get to work on that inspection, Captian. You have full power.
Cid: Yes, sir.

Walace: Uh oh, he's coming this way. He know's it was us.
(Avery walks towards the table where Gotens and Walace are sitting)
Gotens: Oh no! I better finish the evidence!
(He gulps all his jello)
Walace: Whoa, how'd you do that?
(Captian Cid intercepts Commander Avery and they leave the room to talk in private)
Walace: Captian Cid just intercepted Commander Avery and they just left the room to talk in--
Gotens: Yeah, yeah, I read the narration.

(Avery looks at Cid)
Avery(takes out a glob of jello): Now's my chance for revenge--
Cid: Commander. It's been weighing on my conscience, and I'm relieving you of command of the Manila. I want you to inspect the Phoenix-X. You have full power.
Avery(puts the jello away): Oh, thank you, sir.
(He accidentally puts the jello down his pants.)
Avery: #$%^@!!

(Gotens and Walace walk over to the table where Avery was sitting)
Gotens(picks up the electronic padd): Hey look. It's his revenge list.
Walace: Whoa, and it's way longer than mine.
Gotens(taps on the padd): ...
Walace: What are you doing?
Gotens: I'm adding a couple guys that I don't like.
Walace: You shouldn't be tamporing with other people's stuff.
Gotens: Relax. This is still part of the experiment. Watch.

(Avery walks towards his table and talks to himself)
Avery: Ugh. I don't feel like inspecting a ship. I'll just give them an A...
Laynkos(approaches him): Hey, wanna talk?
Avery(sees Walace and Gotens): Ahh!! What are you doing!?

(Avery pushes the Godarion aside and runs over)
Gotens(hands him the padd): Oh sorry, I thought this was a Playalien issue. You can never tell these Starbase padds from the Starship ones.
Avery(grabs the padd away): I remember you! You're that Commander that took my place, leaving me to run the Manila for two years!!
Gotens: Well wouldn't you rather be the head of a starship instead of second in command?
Avery: That's not the point!!
Gotens: Okay, okay, jeez.

(Walace and Gotens walk away to the dessert table)
Gotens: This part of the experiment proves that he still hates me.
Walace: I think he hates everyone.
(Gotens starts picking up more jello)
Walace: Is that for the next experiment?
Gotens: No, I'm just hungry.
Aeris(walks up and picks out some food): Hey, Commander.
Gotens: Oh, hey Aeris.
Aeris: Dull party, eh?
(She smiles and then walks away)
Walace: Who was that?
Gotens: My last Captian.
Walace: You should ask her out.
Gotens: Yeah--but later. We have to move onto phase three of the experiment.
Walace: What's that?
Gotens: We have to see if Avery acts on impulse.
(He stacks a bunch of jello cubes on a plate.)

Cid(approaches Theseus): There, I have Avery on it, sir.
Theseus: What!? He can't be on the inspection! He doesn't know about--the stuff.
Cid: --The stuff?
Theseus: You know--the stuff!
Cid: Ohhh... you mean, 'the stuff'.
Theseus: Yeah. You better stop him!
Cid(starts walking): Okay--
Theseus(stops him): No, you idiot! He'll get suspicious! You'll have to inform the Captian or something.

(Gotens and Walace walk over to Avery's table and sit down)
Gotens: Hey, Av'.
(Gotens hands Walace some jello)
Walace: Oh thanks.
Avery: --What? What do you want!? I didn't say you could sit here!
Gotens: We just hangin, Av'.
Avery: You will address me as Commander!
Gotens: Hey want some--
(He accidentally squeezes the jello and it splatters all over Avery's uniform)
Avery: You %^#&##@!%&($#@{>@$^!!!!
Gotens: Oh--sorry, I didn't mean--
(He tries taking some of it off Avery's uniform, but in doing so, spreads it more)
Avery(stands up and steps back): How dare you! I should pop you one in the kisser right at this instant!
Gotens(stands up): What the hell did you just say? I Klingonly challenge you to a fight!
(Avery steps up; pauses; looks around at the people watching; and then steps back)
Gotens: Yeah, that's right. Cause you know there ain't nothing you can do.
Avery: I'll get you back for this, Gotens.

(He turns around and leaves the room. The party resumes)
Gotens(sits): Hmm. So he's not impulsive. This is very interesting.
Walace: What's the next test?
Gotens: Well we just sit back and see if he actually takes revenge.
Walace: Aren't you afraid he might do something to you?
Gotens: Nahh. What could he possibly do?
(Captian Daniel approaches them)
Daniel(paraniod): Come on, we're gettin outta here! The jello's finished and they're bringing in reinforcements!!
(Three people enter the room, each pushing a wheel barrel stacked with jello)
Gotens: What are you so afraid of? You're practiacally jello yourself.

(Daniel, Gotens, and Walace beam onto the Bridge of the Phoenix-X. Avery is standing there)
Daniel: Commander Avery? What are you doing here?
Avery(holding a padd): Inspecting your ship, as ordered.
(Gotens and Waalce glance at eachother)
Walace: See!?

(The Phoenix-X and a Bordarion vessel departs the Starbase and heads out in the same direction. Avery leaves the Bridge)
Daniel: Commander!!
Gotens: ...Yeah?
Daniel: Avery doesn't know about the technologies on our ship. Luckily he's not that smart. You have to stop him from noticing them!
Gotens: Yes, sir.

(He leaves the Bridge. Avery enters the torpedo bay and looks at one of the torpedoes)
Gotens(runs in): Avery!
Avery(reads the inscription on the torpedo): What's this "J-3 Torpedo"? It doesn't look Starfleet issue.
GoyCho: Oh, it's just a little something we've been working on for the past 2 year--
Gotens(steps in GoyCho's way): --It's a candy holder!
Avery: Candy holder?
Gotens: Yeah, it's almost Halloween.
Avery: But it says "Torpedo" on it.
Gotens: Well, you those little rocket candies? We've been working on these torpedo candies; they're much tangier.
Avery(checks off the padd): Working on candies in the torpedo bay... that's one demerit.

(Avery and Gotens enter the Cloaking Device Room)
Avery: Hmm... A cloaking device? Those are banned from the Federation!
Gewdeque: Oh, no. This is a Klingon Cloaking Device. We took it from the Bochnah.
Avery: ...The Bochnah....?
Gotens(steps in Gewdeques way): Yeah--uhhh... The Bochnah is a dance we do. You see, this room is used for the Bochnah dance.
Avery: But why does it say Cloaking Device Room on the door?
Gotens: Oh--the cloaks--you know--how vampires have cloaks? Well, we thought it'd be cool if we had a Klingon cloak. You know, for Halloween. We dance in this room.
Avery(checks off his padd): Rooms made for dancing, that's three demerits.

(Avery and Gotens enter sickbay. Doctor Lox and the EMH are doing surgury on a patient)
Lox: Uhh... okay, what do I do now? What's this red stuff?
EMH: Hey! Get your finger off that!
Avery: You're running the EMH when there's already a Doctor!?
Gotens: No--no. That's not the EMH, it's--a hologram that is dressing like the EMH--you know, for Halloween.
Avery(checks off the padd): ...In costume for surgury...that's two demerit points.

(Later, Kayl and Walace enter the Bridge of the Phoeinx-X)
Walace: We'd be here sooner, but the hallways are full of cartoon charactars.
Gotens: Oops, sorry. --So, report on this probe that's giving off false signals.
Kayl: Well, this probe, right, it's giving off false signals.
Gotens: Is there anything else you can tell me?
Walace: It's round.
Holographic BOB: Interesting...
BOB: Hey!
Kayl: (Sir, I've been having telepathic calls from it.)
Gotens: (And?)
Kayl:: (And it's transmitting the thoughts of an entire civilization...)
Walace: Hey, I know what you two are doing. You're communicating to eachother through a pattern of blinking!!
Kayl: I can take you there, sir.
Gotens: Make it so.
Picard: Hey, that's my saying!
Gotens: Go back to the spray on hair club for men, holographic Picard!

(Walace taps at the panel. Red alert suddenly goes on. The two of them run out of the room into the hallway, to see a whole bunch of Gordarions running towards them)
Gotens: Oh no. They must've found out that I knocked out that first Gordarion. --Walace! Here, take this Ferengi remote control and get to the nearest airlock; blast hole into the big room and beam as much people as possible into it. Can you do that?
Walace: Yes. I can also do the Macarena.
Gotens: Good...Lieutenant Commander.
Walace: You're promoting me!?
Gotens: If you live.
Walace: Alright! --Gulp.
(He runs off)
Gotens: ...I'll, uhh, stay here and create a diversion...
(The Gordarions fire a whole bunch of phaser blasts. Gotens instinctively uses the metallic pain stick as a shield. The pain stick absorbs the phaser blasts. The group of Gordarions stop in thier tracks, a few feet away from him)
(Gordarion #1): Hey! I didn't know those things could do that!!
(Gordarion #2): Don't look at me, weapons aren't my department.
(Gordarion #3): It's my department, and I'll thank you to keep your criticisms to yourself, Mr. a-hundred-tractorbeams-per-ship!
(Gordarion #1): Hey! How was I supposed to know that the gravaton radiation would make our heads transparent!?

(The Ferengi freightor breaks out the cargo bay doors of the Phoenix-X and flies towards a Gordarion airlock. Meanwhile, in this part of the space city; chaos breaks out as dumb Gordarions bring thier Federation victims back to the big room. Walace gets into the Ferengi freightor and flies it around the corner. The freightor approaches three Federation ships; the Manila, Xena, and the Phoenix-X.)
Walace: Oh my God, the Phoenix-X!? I must be seeing a space mirage.
(He locks tractor beams onto the Manila and brings it with him to the structure that has the big room. The freightor fires on the Bordarion structure, putting a hole in it, where he can see the Federation crowd, stareing back up at him. He drops tractor; beams onto the Manila; accesses controls; and begins the immediate beam-out evacuation of the Manila crew. He beams back onto the freightor and heads back to get the next ship)

(Gotens, meanwhile, continues to create a diversion with the Gordarion audience)
Gotens: Where are the playas in the crowd?? Okay, repeat after me; Boricua, morena, boricua, morena, boricua, morena, boricua, morena...
(Pause)
Gotens: Man, ya'll ain't playas. Ya ain't even crush a lot.
Avery(emerges out of the crowd of Gordarions): Enough!!
Gotens: Avery!? You sided with the Gordarions!? Don't be dissin the Fed's, man.
(Gotens notices the small flat device on the side of Avery's head)
Avery: Stop looking at me that way! --Won't you meet my asscociates?
(Shane and Daniel also emerge out of the crowd of Gordarions, experssionless)
Gotens: Oh my God! Shane, Daniel--you're expressions are experssionless!!
Avery: You see, my two months of hard work on this chip in conjunction with Shane and Daniel didn't go to a total waste. Thanks to the help of the Gordarions.
(Gordarion #2): Well, looks like our work here is done.
(The crowd of Gordarions get bored and leave the four alone)
Avery: Sick 'em boys.
Shane: Uh! And ruin my manicure?
Avery: Just do it!! --Nike.

(Under the control of Avery, Shane and Daniel advance on Gotens. Walace, meanwhile, drags the Xena to beside the Manila. He qucikly beams onto the Xena to start the evacuation of the Xena crew and them beams back onto the freightor)
Walace: Right. Now to get that mirage, the Phoenix-X.
(His freightor shakes. A squad of small Gordarion attack ships suddenly swarm around the corner and commense attack on him. He succumbs to abvasive manouvers)

Gotens: Avery, I thought you had a certian obsessive respect for the Federation!?
(He raises the pain stick to block Shane's attacking sword-arm)
Avery: I did.
(Daniel verticlely liquifies his upper body into a snake-like creature, stretches and wraps himself around Gotens's waist. Gotens shocks Daniel with the pain stick; and Daniel reverts)
Gotens: I thought it was your life!?
(Shane shoots out a spike towards him; he dodges it)
Avery: It was.
(Daniel swings his arm, it stretches, towards Gotens--Gotens ducks it; swings the pain stick--it goes through Daniel)
Avery: There's nothing left for me in the Federation, except prison... thanks to you.
(Shane grows into a huge monster and picks up Gotens)
Gotens: Ugh--Sorry, I--
Avery: --Uh, uh, uh. We're way past apologies. It's just death now...
(Daniel transforms into a poison monster. Death seems enivitable)
Gotens: Alright....
(Gotens tosses the pain stick; it soars; and the tip hits the device on Avery's temple; the electric shock of the stick flows into Avery's brain. Avery collapses)
Daniel(disorientated): ...What--the--?
(Shane and Daniel turn back to normal. Gotens walks over to Avery and kneels down)
Daniel: Shane, go back to the big room and see if everyone's alright.
(Shane leaves; Daniel approaches them)
Gotens: I think he's still alive.

(Walace flies the frieghtor under an exterior corridor. The ships behind him smash into it. The explosion engulfs more incoming ships.)
Walace: Haha!
(He continues to deak out more small ships.)

(Shane enters the big room. The last few people are beamed out, one by one, two by twos. A Gordarion walks in, bringing a Federation Officer. Another Gordarion approaches him)
(Other Gordarion): Hey! What do you think you're doing!?
(Escort Gordarion): Bringing this guy back, like ordered. Are you saying you didn't order it!?
(Other Gordarion): Yes!
(Escort Gordarion): Well maybe you did and you just forgot.
(Other Gordarion scratches his transparent head): Hmm... maybe I did..

(A bunch of little hovering phaser probes fly towards Gotens and Daniel, firing. Gotens gets up and skillfully absorbs each fire with the stick. Gotens and Daniel take refuge into the nearest room. A Gordarion is approaching a man on a bed)
Daniel: Eeuu. What's going on here?
(They knock out the Gordarion, lock the door, and approach the man)
Gotens: Admiral!!
Theseus(disorientated): Uhh... Captian Daniel...? Commander...? Is that...
Daniel: Yes, it's us.
(The door rumbles from phaser blasts. Theseus' face is physically changed; bubbles are on his cheeks; one eye is bigger than the other; and his hair is flakey and dry)
Gotens: Yo, man, whatcha been smoking?
Theseus(weak): They--they've been doing tests on us.... They're not trying to get information--they--don't even care about taking over--
Daniel: What are they doing!?
(The room shakes)
Theseus: ...I--don't know...
(Gotens helps him up)
Gotens: Admiral, why did you have the Phoenix-X inspected? It almost got dismantled!
(The room shakes again from the phaser blasts)
Theseus: Ugh... it's hard to explain...
(The door bursts down and two phaser probes fly in. Daniel grabs the pain stick, swings, and smashes them against the wall)
Theseus: I was thinking about having the Phoeinx-X dismantled from the start....
(Another probe fly's in. Daniel snatches it from the air)
Gotens: What!? Are you serious?
Theseus: You see, the technologies on the Phoenix-X are known only to a small percentage of the Federation...

HOME
BACK | NEXT